AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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