Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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