A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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