Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
