How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize