sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
