i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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