...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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