A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
