I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize