Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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