I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
