Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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