Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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