Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
