dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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