Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize