I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
