I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Who died my cat blue again?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
