last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
do herpes really smell.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
