the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
