all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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