very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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