Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
