Having a random hookup so left but love u
"it" just moved
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
