Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
