they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
