You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Randomize
