remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
