Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I would fuck him just for his dog
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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