im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
