Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
