no. you can't hotbox the world.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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