the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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