Little spoons don't ask big questions
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
