This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
