They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
