Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
