make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
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