so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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