If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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