Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Randomize
