I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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