im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
