we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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