What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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