the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
