No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
