Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
