Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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