My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
