her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize