I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
