also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
