i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
