Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
