WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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