drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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