so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I fill condoms, not promises.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
