PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
