The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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