Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
