I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
