is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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