the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You took a bar mat shot.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
