You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
