I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I currently don't understand fingers.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize