The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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