the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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