If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize