Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
