Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
