No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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