dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
