If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
