4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
