Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
