Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
