I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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