I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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