P.S. I can't hear my feet
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize