I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
