if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
