Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
