He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
