If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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