this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
