ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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