Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
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