why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
