You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
foreskin is a definite game changer
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
