I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
