you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
