I'm jealous of your bromance
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
