so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
