Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Banned from zoo.
Again?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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