Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
