Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
