New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
