The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
