For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize