I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
