I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
false alarm, still single
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
