Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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