I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
