my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
