sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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