Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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