he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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