smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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